To Live

What is it to live?

Simply breathing in and out?

Opening your eyes to the visions around you?

Such a loaded question, I think.

I’m sorry to seem maybe a bit morbid today but these thoughts keep pounding in my head. I have to get them out. Sure I am alive. breathing in and out as I should, each second of each day. Each of my senses firing with response at the smallest stimulation. But to live. To really be alive. Now that is different.

In the past week my life has changed entirely. I’ve gone from being an active mommy. working every day, sometimes two jobs, running back and forth to sports, school functions, and babysitters. I loved taking care of them. Sitting by the bath tub as Hayden splashed way too much and had me soaked from head to toe. Watching him giggle because he knows what he is doing is going to get me fired up. Just writing this makes me smile to think of his rottenness. God has given me a new outlook for sure.

Even though it is winter I sat by the window today letting the warmth of the sun beat on me. As I looked around everything was brown as dead. Ice puddled on the seat of Hayden’s play car and the wind blew the tattered curtain to an abandoned tree house that often  entertains Elis wild imagination.   That’s kinda how I feel now, I think. Like a season, like winter, everything once living vibrantly with beautiful color, now appears to be dead, and colorless. But we all know that with every season comes change, New life and fresh air. New colors and sounds of new birth will soon fill the air. This will be me soon. I know it will. As winter does to many, it will drain me of everything. But God promises spring, and that is what I have to hold onto for now.

For now I will “live” I will eat and drink what I can. breath in and out to stay alive, feel the touch of my loved ones and watch my children from a far. But I hold onto a new out look now of what it means to live, what it means to be alive.  I encourage you to read this and look at your life. Are you living? or are you just alive?

I’m making a bucket list now. I want to spend my life doing things that make me feel full of life. Exploring the wilderness. Finding things unharmed by our human hands. Seeing what’s only possible explanation is creation. I want to go places far from the smog and pollution of media. I want to see sky scrapers but not one built by human ability. I want to show my kids that there is so much more to this world than even I have to offer them, and even if I can show them the smallest glimpse, I will have succeeded.

Please take time to comment with one thing you would put on your bucket list.  Remember. You are not really alive, until you LIVE.



16 Comments Add yours

  1. Writing a book is on my bucket list!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Megan Sparks says:

    Taking a hot air balloon ride!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tiffany says:

    I would love to travel to the Redwoods in California with you! Take a ride down from there to Monterey and Carmel.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Mindy w says:

    Travel to Europe

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Lauren Maier says:

    Scotland! Make it a family trip? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Christy Dean says:

    Going to Paris is on my bucket list.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Danielle Koster says:

    I want to get to a point in my life where I don’t live each second by a clock. I want to enjoy each day instead of speeding through it. I want to keep busy with growing and creating things to sustain us, but if it’s a beautiful day and I want to lie in the grass and soak up the sun- I can do it . Your spring will come, I know it. And there’s nothing like the feeling of that explosion of color and warmth in the spring after the most dark , dull and cold winter! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Julie says:

    Visit Montana & stay on a horse ranch. Explore & see wild horses. 🙂

    Keep your chin up, roses will bloom again. 🌹

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Tiffany Lobeck says:

    I want to go to the Westminster Kennel Dog Show in New York City.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Lori Noll says:

    I want to go somewhere that has only been minimally touched by humans and technology. I want to see nature as close to the point it was intended as possible, and just sit there quietly and take the sights, sounds and smells in.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Kellie says:

    I want to soak in every precious moment with my babies. I need to slow down and enjoy all that I am blessed with. It’s easy to get sucked up into your mundane life, but the thing is, each moment is special; it will never happen in that way again. I will wake up one day and my boys won’t want to snuggle, or have me make cinnamon toast. They won’t need me as much, and their sweet little voices and funny pronunciations will fade. I want to LIVE more in the moment, and just soak it all in.
    Love you Steph! Thank you for giving me some perspective.


    “There are far better things ahead, than we leave behind.” C.S. Lewis

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Angela says:

    I want to be present not perfect. I am reading “Present over Perfect” by Shauna Niequist. This book is about leaving behind the frantic for a simpler more soulful way of living. it’s about saying no . It’s about saying yes to rest, to groundedness, to listening, to deep and slow connection to our loved ones. It encourages us that our “good hard work” can become an impossible standard to meet, a frantic way of living, a practice of ignoring my body and my spirit in order to prove myself as the hardest of hard workers. ” oh the moments I missed with the people I love because I was so very committed to being known as the strongest of the strong. Oh the quiet moments alone with God I sacrificed in order to cross off a few things off the to do list I worshiped “. I want to be present, not proving my worth by getting my checklist done. I want to soak in the knowledge that I am deeply loved by God, and reflect that love to others.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Karalee says:

    I want to visit the Bahamas so Fitz can return to his birthplace (he hasn’t been since he was a toddler). I want to go to Jamaica (not the resorts, but the small village where Fitz’ grandmother lives). I want Byron and Mya to experience their heritage.
    Most importantly, I want to see my loved ones have a relationship with Jesus Christ so we can all experience Heaven one day.
    Thanks for helping me to take a second to stop and think Steph. Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Jill Bruegge says:

    Hold my grandchild.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Vicki Sigman says:

    On my list I don’t have wonderful places to visit or exciting adventures to experience. My desire is to learn to love all people and try my best to see them as Jesus does. I also want to see the joy on your face when you share your healthy future with Chad and the boys. I Love You, Stephanie!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Linda Stiglitz says:

    It is my desire to be a shining light for our awesome God for giving me strength to get through the treatment and hope for the future. Life is so beautiful at the end of this trial. You will make it. Always in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

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