To Live

What is it to live?

Simply breathing in and out?

Opening your eyes to the visions around you?

Such a loaded question, I think.

I’m sorry to seem maybe a bit morbid today but these thoughts keep pounding in my head. I have to get them out. Sure I am alive. breathing in and out as I should, each second of each day. Each of my senses firing with response at the smallest stimulation. But to live. To really be alive. Now that is different.

In the past week my life has changed entirely. I’ve gone from being an active mommy. working every day, sometimes two jobs, running back and forth to sports, school functions, and babysitters. I loved taking care of them. Sitting by the bath tub as Hayden splashed way too much and had me soaked from head to toe. Watching him giggle because he knows what he is doing is going to get me fired up. Just writing this makes me smile to think of his rottenness. God has given me a new outlook for sure.

Even though it is winter I sat by the window today letting the warmth of the sun beat on me. As I looked around everything was brown as dead. Ice puddled on the seat of Hayden’s play car and the wind blew the tattered curtain to an abandoned tree house that often  entertains Elis wild imagination.   That’s kinda how I feel now, I think. Like a season, like winter, everything once living vibrantly with beautiful color, now appears to be dead, and colorless. But we all know that with every season comes change, New life and fresh air. New colors and sounds of new birth will soon fill the air. This will be me soon. I know it will. As winter does to many, it will drain me of everything. But God promises spring, and that is what I have to hold onto for now.

For now I will “live” I will eat and drink what I can. breath in and out to stay alive, feel the touch of my loved ones and watch my children from a far. But I hold onto a new out look now of what it means to live, what it means to be alive.  I encourage you to read this and look at your life. Are you living? or are you just alive?

I’m making a bucket list now. I want to spend my life doing things that make me feel full of life. Exploring the wilderness. Finding things unharmed by our human hands. Seeing what’s only possible explanation is creation. I want to go places far from the smog and pollution of media. I want to see sky scrapers but not one built by human ability. I want to show my kids that there is so much more to this world than even I have to offer them, and even if I can show them the smallest glimpse, I will have succeeded.

Please take time to comment with one thing you would put on your bucket list.  Remember. You are not really alive, until you LIVE.